Judge Not

I know it, that I judge others and that what I fear most is being judged by others. There is irony in that, but I don't think it's irony that God finds the least bit funny.

How can I be so sure that this lacks all humor in God's eyes? Because God spoke through Matthew saying, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

You hypocrite! How much more accurate can it get? I am judging others yet I do not expect the same? I am judging others when I have fallen so short myself? Have I been given a sliding scale by which to measure the greatest of sin? No! There is no such thing! God does not measure our sins as greater or less then, but as equal, regardless of what they are. Jesus did not die on the cross for only me...he died for those that I so unfairly judge as well!

So why can I not remember that? Why can I not remember that God so loved the whole world that He gave His only Son. He didn't just love some of us, like I do. He loved ALL of us...equally...without judgement! He died for ALL of us...equally...without judgement!

Why then do I continue to judge?

I need to commit to memory Matthew 7:2, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

So when I heap out cupfulls upon cupfulls of judgement upon my neighbor, what more then can I expect then to be judged the same way? I am garaunteed no less! I can expect no less! I deserve no less!

God In All Things

Have you ever had to put aside your need to be liked in order to speak the truth? Are you willing to give up a friendship in order to keep your integrity? How have you escaped the people-pleasing trap?

People pleasing may be the special territory of women. We’re so relational, we often do everything we can to preserve a connection, even at honesty’s expense. Instead of telling someone the hard truth or making a decision that may hurt someone, we backpedal, clam up, turn on the charm—anything to avoid being the bad girl. But I’m finding my people-pleasing ways not only hurt me, they hurt the people whose feelings I’m trying to save.

Here’s the thing with being a people-pleaser: It isn’t really about “people.” It’s about me and my fear that someone will think less of me if I’m not agreeable. It’s about my incessant need to have people think I’m swell.

I didn't write the above passages, I read them here (http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/walkwithme/2007/06/i_aim_to_please_1.html), but I can certainly relate to what was written.

I have an inate desire to be all thing to all people. I cringe at the thought of not being liked. And the oddest part is that I even hate being disliked by people who I don't like. How is that rational? What sense does that even make? Why would I care what those people think of me? Yet somehow when someone doesn't like me, I feel as if I've failed.
I have failed to make them see who I am. I have failed to make them see what I believe in. I have failed to make my light shine.

And I am realizing that more often then not, I am so paralyzed by this fear of failing, that I don't allow people to truly get to know who I am or to learn what I believe in or to see my light shine. I sit quiet, reserved, unassuming, fading into the woodwork, trying hard just not to be noticed.
Somehow believing that if people do not know me, then they can't disagree with me. They can't criticize who I am.

That willingness to risk scorn takes serious internal strength and self-awareness that are hard to come by. But we’re God’s daughters, and we’re connected to the ultimate source of strength: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).

I truly do want to be strong in the Lord. I want my light to shine so bright that others WANT to know me. And I want to be strong enough to get past my own fears and allow them to.
I want to open up, be totally transparent...always! And not just after I've tested the waters long enough to know that they aren't a danger. I want to trust God wholly and completely and jump into every new relationship and situation head first with Godly reckless abandon. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit so that there is no room for fear or for doubt.

I do not want to be all things to all people, but I do want God to be all things to me!

Choosing to Forgive

How can I learn to forgive my spouse {anyone} even when there's no apology?

Choose to forgive.

Jeremiah 33:1-9

In Jeremiah 33:1-9, the Lord modeled what grace and forgiveness was—and what it wasn't. First, forgiveness didn't mean pretending a wrong had not been done. The Lord said the people were evil, he was furious at their sin and rebellion, and he had to punish them (33:4, 5). Sin had broken their relationship. In your relationships, sometimes you, too, have to name the sin, confront in love, and explain its consequences.

But then you can choose forgiveness, as God did. "I will cleanse them from all their iniquity by which they have sinned against me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned, and by which they have transgressed against me," says the Lord (33:8). The Lord chose to forgive, and he himself took away the guilt of sin. He chose to forgive, heal, and bless his people even before they repented. So, too, you must choose to forgive, knowing God has taken away the guilt of sin at a great price—the death of his Son.

God's ability to forgive is rooted in his character. When you find it hard to forgive your spouse, it might help to focus on God and how he forgives you, rather than on the wrong done to you. Once you fully grasp grace as displayed by God himself, it's easier to forgive another person. (See also Ephesians 2:14-18; 1 Peter 3:8-15.)

Good Words to Remember:

Thus says the LORD who made it, the LORD who formed it to establish it (the LORD is his name): "Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:2, 3

Today's Challenge:

Have you chosen to forgive? Why, or why not?

http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/questions/forgivespouse.html

This speaks to me. This is something that I struggle with daily. The 'funny' thing is, I don't usually struggle with forgiving the bigs things; the obvious sins, but I struggle beyond words to forgive the small things; the every day sins. I thank God that He does not have the same struggle. That He forgives ALL things. I pray that I can forgive ALL things as well.

Seasons of Change

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
Anne Bradstreet

It became painfully obvious to me last week that I was moving, but without purpose. I was going through the motions, but without emotion. I was doing, but not getting things done.

I had outrun the place that God had called me to be.

It's an awful feeling, the feeling that you've left God behind and are going it on your own. It isn't a comfortable feeling by any means. It's downright scary.

The good thing is, it didn't take long before I realized where I was and what I had done. I was able to stop before I had wandered off too far. I was able to call out and wait.

And I wait. In a season where I still feel empty.

Although, I know that I am no longer alone, I still do not feel full of passion and purpose. I hear God telling me to keep moving even though I definitely don't feel like going.

He is there and I am listening.

I know that we go through every season for a purpose. We do not suffer through times of adversity without the benefit of clearly being able to rejoice during times of prosperity. We have to have the rain to see the rainbow. The seasons have to change.

I know that God will use this season for my benefit. I know that, if I let Him, He will shape and mold me in ways that make me better equipped to worship and serve Him.

I am not comfortable with feeling devoid of passion, but I pray I do not try to escape this season of emptiness so quickly that I do not take the time to hear what God is speaking to me.

I truly believe that God is telling me to keep moving, but to stop trying to lead and instead turn and follow.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry"
Psalm 40:1 (NIV)

also posted at http://blog.myspace.com/melissaaallen

Surgery Scheduled

I promised I'd let you know when my surgery was scheduled...it is scheduled for next Wednesday. If all goes well it'll be an outpatient surgery and I will be home Wednesday afternoon. I'm not terribly worried about it, but a little anxious about having to take the time off of work. Oh well, it'll work out.

I have also scheduled the LEEP for next Tuesday.

It's going to be a busy week medically!

I have neglected this blog for the evils of myspace, but thought I'd better check back in here and catch everyone (all one of you that read this...maybe a phone call would be easier) up on the latest going-ons.

After 5 weeks, I am finally meeting with the surgeon today to schedule surgery (hence the surgeon) to have my gall bladder removed. I find it absolutely facsinating that 5 weeks ago I walked into the doctor and told her that it was my gall bladder and that it would have to be removed...and yet it took five week, one trip to give blood, one ultrasound, one hour-long test involving the drinking of barium and powdered alka seltzer, one hour-long test involving the injection of radioactive chemicals, one half-hour test involving the injection of morphenie and two additional appointments with my primary care physicion before she could come to the same conclusion. Sometimes I wonder about modern medicine!
I am truly hoping that despite the discomfort that he does not schedule surgery for this weekend. I have plans for this weekend and I really don't want to miss out. I know, I know, where are my prioritites? Don't I care about my health? Yes, I care about my health...but I also care about the people I made plans with...if I cancel, they have to cancel, and that's just sad. I am actually hoping that he will schedule for early next week...maybe Monday or next Saturday (5/12) although I do have lunch plans for that day too.
I think it's safe to say that I am way too busy to have my gall bladder out.

I am also having gynecological issues. I had an abnormal PAP in February which they followed up with a Colposcopy and a biopsy of three areas of my cervix (that was not a comfortable procedure). Now I have to go in in two weeks to have a LEEP done. Electrified wires cutting off private, sensitive parts of my body? I am definitely NOT looking forward to that appointment. I think they should put you to sleep when they do that procedure. None of this numb you locally thing...
Ok, I am beginning to think that if I had children that I wouldn't be able to do it naturally...I'd be screaming for the drugs.

I will write again when I know more about my surery.

Until then....take care and have an awesome day!

Not Asking For Directions

How do reach the lost when they do not know they are lost?

It is so much easier to give directions to the person who is asking; the one who has pen and paper in hand ready to jot down all the knowledge that you will impart on how they can get from where they are to where they want to be. These seekers are looking for information, they want answers, they are willing to listen with open ears to what you are saying. Sure, they may not agree, but they are willing to listen because they are want to learn, they want to change. It is easier to tell these people, 'follow me and I will show you where to go.' They will follow...willingly. They want to go.
So what about the people that are heading in the wrong direction and refuse to heed the warnings? No matter how gently you tell them that the road they are traveling on ends with a drop off into nothingness they press on forward. There is no convincing these people that they are heading the wrong way, that the bridge is out, that they are on the wide road but it is the one that leads nowhere. You can not say to these people, 'follow me and I will show you where to go' because these people say 'I know where I am going! Why should I follow you? There is nothing better about your way then there is about mine!' You can not take these people by the hand and gently guide them in the other direction. They dig in their heels and stubbornly refuse to go. How do you lead those people?

How do you lead those that are truly lost to see the Way, the Truth and the Light?