Judge Not

I know it, that I judge others and that what I fear most is being judged by others. There is irony in that, but I don't think it's irony that God finds the least bit funny.

How can I be so sure that this lacks all humor in God's eyes? Because God spoke through Matthew saying, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

You hypocrite! How much more accurate can it get? I am judging others yet I do not expect the same? I am judging others when I have fallen so short myself? Have I been given a sliding scale by which to measure the greatest of sin? No! There is no such thing! God does not measure our sins as greater or less then, but as equal, regardless of what they are. Jesus did not die on the cross for only me...he died for those that I so unfairly judge as well!

So why can I not remember that? Why can I not remember that God so loved the whole world that He gave His only Son. He didn't just love some of us, like I do. He loved ALL of us...equally...without judgement! He died for ALL of us...equally...without judgement!

Why then do I continue to judge?

I need to commit to memory Matthew 7:2, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

So when I heap out cupfulls upon cupfulls of judgement upon my neighbor, what more then can I expect then to be judged the same way? I am garaunteed no less! I can expect no less! I deserve no less!

God In All Things

Have you ever had to put aside your need to be liked in order to speak the truth? Are you willing to give up a friendship in order to keep your integrity? How have you escaped the people-pleasing trap?

People pleasing may be the special territory of women. We’re so relational, we often do everything we can to preserve a connection, even at honesty’s expense. Instead of telling someone the hard truth or making a decision that may hurt someone, we backpedal, clam up, turn on the charm—anything to avoid being the bad girl. But I’m finding my people-pleasing ways not only hurt me, they hurt the people whose feelings I’m trying to save.

Here’s the thing with being a people-pleaser: It isn’t really about “people.” It’s about me and my fear that someone will think less of me if I’m not agreeable. It’s about my incessant need to have people think I’m swell.

I didn't write the above passages, I read them here (http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/walkwithme/2007/06/i_aim_to_please_1.html), but I can certainly relate to what was written.

I have an inate desire to be all thing to all people. I cringe at the thought of not being liked. And the oddest part is that I even hate being disliked by people who I don't like. How is that rational? What sense does that even make? Why would I care what those people think of me? Yet somehow when someone doesn't like me, I feel as if I've failed.
I have failed to make them see who I am. I have failed to make them see what I believe in. I have failed to make my light shine.

And I am realizing that more often then not, I am so paralyzed by this fear of failing, that I don't allow people to truly get to know who I am or to learn what I believe in or to see my light shine. I sit quiet, reserved, unassuming, fading into the woodwork, trying hard just not to be noticed.
Somehow believing that if people do not know me, then they can't disagree with me. They can't criticize who I am.

That willingness to risk scorn takes serious internal strength and self-awareness that are hard to come by. But we’re God’s daughters, and we’re connected to the ultimate source of strength: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).

I truly do want to be strong in the Lord. I want my light to shine so bright that others WANT to know me. And I want to be strong enough to get past my own fears and allow them to.
I want to open up, be totally transparent...always! And not just after I've tested the waters long enough to know that they aren't a danger. I want to trust God wholly and completely and jump into every new relationship and situation head first with Godly reckless abandon. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit so that there is no room for fear or for doubt.

I do not want to be all things to all people, but I do want God to be all things to me!

Choosing to Forgive

How can I learn to forgive my spouse {anyone} even when there's no apology?

Choose to forgive.

Jeremiah 33:1-9

In Jeremiah 33:1-9, the Lord modeled what grace and forgiveness was—and what it wasn't. First, forgiveness didn't mean pretending a wrong had not been done. The Lord said the people were evil, he was furious at their sin and rebellion, and he had to punish them (33:4, 5). Sin had broken their relationship. In your relationships, sometimes you, too, have to name the sin, confront in love, and explain its consequences.

But then you can choose forgiveness, as God did. "I will cleanse them from all their iniquity by which they have sinned against me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned, and by which they have transgressed against me," says the Lord (33:8). The Lord chose to forgive, and he himself took away the guilt of sin. He chose to forgive, heal, and bless his people even before they repented. So, too, you must choose to forgive, knowing God has taken away the guilt of sin at a great price—the death of his Son.

God's ability to forgive is rooted in his character. When you find it hard to forgive your spouse, it might help to focus on God and how he forgives you, rather than on the wrong done to you. Once you fully grasp grace as displayed by God himself, it's easier to forgive another person. (See also Ephesians 2:14-18; 1 Peter 3:8-15.)

Good Words to Remember:

Thus says the LORD who made it, the LORD who formed it to establish it (the LORD is his name): "Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:2, 3

Today's Challenge:

Have you chosen to forgive? Why, or why not?

http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/questions/forgivespouse.html

This speaks to me. This is something that I struggle with daily. The 'funny' thing is, I don't usually struggle with forgiving the bigs things; the obvious sins, but I struggle beyond words to forgive the small things; the every day sins. I thank God that He does not have the same struggle. That He forgives ALL things. I pray that I can forgive ALL things as well.

Seasons of Change

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
Anne Bradstreet

It became painfully obvious to me last week that I was moving, but without purpose. I was going through the motions, but without emotion. I was doing, but not getting things done.

I had outrun the place that God had called me to be.

It's an awful feeling, the feeling that you've left God behind and are going it on your own. It isn't a comfortable feeling by any means. It's downright scary.

The good thing is, it didn't take long before I realized where I was and what I had done. I was able to stop before I had wandered off too far. I was able to call out and wait.

And I wait. In a season where I still feel empty.

Although, I know that I am no longer alone, I still do not feel full of passion and purpose. I hear God telling me to keep moving even though I definitely don't feel like going.

He is there and I am listening.

I know that we go through every season for a purpose. We do not suffer through times of adversity without the benefit of clearly being able to rejoice during times of prosperity. We have to have the rain to see the rainbow. The seasons have to change.

I know that God will use this season for my benefit. I know that, if I let Him, He will shape and mold me in ways that make me better equipped to worship and serve Him.

I am not comfortable with feeling devoid of passion, but I pray I do not try to escape this season of emptiness so quickly that I do not take the time to hear what God is speaking to me.

I truly believe that God is telling me to keep moving, but to stop trying to lead and instead turn and follow.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry"
Psalm 40:1 (NIV)

also posted at http://blog.myspace.com/melissaaallen

Surgery Scheduled

I promised I'd let you know when my surgery was scheduled...it is scheduled for next Wednesday. If all goes well it'll be an outpatient surgery and I will be home Wednesday afternoon. I'm not terribly worried about it, but a little anxious about having to take the time off of work. Oh well, it'll work out.

I have also scheduled the LEEP for next Tuesday.

It's going to be a busy week medically!

I have neglected this blog for the evils of myspace, but thought I'd better check back in here and catch everyone (all one of you that read this...maybe a phone call would be easier) up on the latest going-ons.

After 5 weeks, I am finally meeting with the surgeon today to schedule surgery (hence the surgeon) to have my gall bladder removed. I find it absolutely facsinating that 5 weeks ago I walked into the doctor and told her that it was my gall bladder and that it would have to be removed...and yet it took five week, one trip to give blood, one ultrasound, one hour-long test involving the drinking of barium and powdered alka seltzer, one hour-long test involving the injection of radioactive chemicals, one half-hour test involving the injection of morphenie and two additional appointments with my primary care physicion before she could come to the same conclusion. Sometimes I wonder about modern medicine!
I am truly hoping that despite the discomfort that he does not schedule surgery for this weekend. I have plans for this weekend and I really don't want to miss out. I know, I know, where are my prioritites? Don't I care about my health? Yes, I care about my health...but I also care about the people I made plans with...if I cancel, they have to cancel, and that's just sad. I am actually hoping that he will schedule for early next week...maybe Monday or next Saturday (5/12) although I do have lunch plans for that day too.
I think it's safe to say that I am way too busy to have my gall bladder out.

I am also having gynecological issues. I had an abnormal PAP in February which they followed up with a Colposcopy and a biopsy of three areas of my cervix (that was not a comfortable procedure). Now I have to go in in two weeks to have a LEEP done. Electrified wires cutting off private, sensitive parts of my body? I am definitely NOT looking forward to that appointment. I think they should put you to sleep when they do that procedure. None of this numb you locally thing...
Ok, I am beginning to think that if I had children that I wouldn't be able to do it naturally...I'd be screaming for the drugs.

I will write again when I know more about my surery.

Until then....take care and have an awesome day!

Not Asking For Directions

How do reach the lost when they do not know they are lost?

It is so much easier to give directions to the person who is asking; the one who has pen and paper in hand ready to jot down all the knowledge that you will impart on how they can get from where they are to where they want to be. These seekers are looking for information, they want answers, they are willing to listen with open ears to what you are saying. Sure, they may not agree, but they are willing to listen because they are want to learn, they want to change. It is easier to tell these people, 'follow me and I will show you where to go.' They will follow...willingly. They want to go.
So what about the people that are heading in the wrong direction and refuse to heed the warnings? No matter how gently you tell them that the road they are traveling on ends with a drop off into nothingness they press on forward. There is no convincing these people that they are heading the wrong way, that the bridge is out, that they are on the wide road but it is the one that leads nowhere. You can not say to these people, 'follow me and I will show you where to go' because these people say 'I know where I am going! Why should I follow you? There is nothing better about your way then there is about mine!' You can not take these people by the hand and gently guide them in the other direction. They dig in their heels and stubbornly refuse to go. How do you lead those people?

How do you lead those that are truly lost to see the Way, the Truth and the Light?

It's A Different Season

It's a different season and I'm okay with that.

I was noticing today that on the first blog that I had, the list of 'Must Reads' were pretty much all ladies that scrapbooked and then there were a few random ones from family and friends. This time the majority of the 'Must Reads' are Christian women and a couple of family and friends.

What a good place to be, where what I read the most is encouraging, positive and uplifting, but also thought provoking and challenging.

It is a good season to be in. I am thankful God has brought me here.

God is Good

Have I mentioned lately just how good god is?!? No? Well I should!

Sunday morning my husband went to church with me...not because I whined and cried and begged and pleaded, but because he chose to go. Granted, he says he is only going 'for me' and Sunday morning I believe he slept through the majority of the message, but it has been two years since my husband has stepped foot in church. I'll take a sleeping husband in church for now. I know that God is big enough and powerful enough to open his ears, even while he sleeps. Of course he didn't sleep through the entire message because he misunderstood something that was said and was pretty riled up over it. It was ironic how passionate he was about something 'he doesn't care about'.
Monday I asked him for his overall impression, giving it a day or so to sink in. He said it wasn't that bad. He did ask for ear plugs so he wouldn't have to listen to the music. I almost laughed when he said it was too loud. (This coming from the guy who listens to Pantera and the like at decibels that could make your ears bleed) But other then that he said it was OK.
And he's coming again next week. God is good!!!!

Praise & Prayer

I just realized that it's been almost a month since I've posted anything here. Not on purpose mind you, I have actually been working on two posts about Living and Giving Generously, but I can't seem to put my rambling thoughts about the subjects into coherent sentences. It irritates me when that happens.

So what else have I been up to? Well, the last (almost) two weeks, I've been having gall bladder (or peptic ulcer) issues. I went to the doctor yesterday and have an ultrasound and upper GI scheduled for the 19th (that was the earliest I could get in). So I won't know anything conclusive until after that.
The way I figure, by the time the radiologist gets around to looking at my films and making a determination that it is indeed my gall bladder and then writes up his/her report to send to my new wonderful doctor and she gets a chance to look at it and have the front office staff call me to arrange for surgery or a follow-up appointment or whatever comes next, it'll be mid-May. Actually I am hoping that maybe they can have the results and set the surgery up for May 11th. I have plans for the weekend before (the symphony & a women's luncheon) so I'd hate to miss out on those and I don't have any big plans for Mother's Day. We'll see. Maybe I'll be surprised and it won't be my gall bladder at all.

I have great news! My husband is going to come with me to church on Sunday!!! I am absolutely estatic! He says he is only going because he knows it'll make me happy and he is not going to listen or be 'brainwashed', but I know that we serve a great, big God who can do mighty and miraculous things! Including opening the ears and heart of a man who has taken the first step but is stubbornly refusing to go farther.
Pray! Pray for him; that his ears be opened and his heart be softened. Pray! Pray for me; that I get out of the way and let God work and trust that He is, even if I can not see it.
Did I mention how absolutely, positively excited I am that my husband is coming to church?!?
God is doing great things in and through the ladies in the Bible study on Sunday nights. I truly had no idea why God placed the burden on my heart to lead it. Leading the study terrified me, truly scared me out of my socks, but I am so glad that I listened to that still small Voice of Truth instead of the hollering shouts of doubt! I know that relationships have been formed and friendships have been developed and strengthed. I have seen prayers answered and that is awesome! Absolutely awesome! The ladies have been angels of strength to me when I needed it most. How thankful I am for each of them. How thankful I am that God has blessed my life with them. So thankful in fact, that we are going to do another study once this one is over. Continue to pray for me, that I listen closely to the still small Voice of Truth and shut my ears to the hollering shouts of doubt.

I will try to catch up more later...today or tomorrow. Hopefully, sooner then another month.

Have an awesome day!

There is a time for everything

Tuesday night a six-year-old boy from my church was crushed under an iron gate that fell off of the rollers. He is in critical condition with chest and head injuries and the doctor's have been saying that it will take a miracle for him to survive.

I know that God is a God of Miracles and I have no doubt of that. I also know that God is the Great Physician and could heal him in ways that far surpass the advances of modern medicine and technology.
I also know that God is the Giver and Taker of Life and it is a very real possibility that Our Maker is calling His child home. It is hard to think about that, since he is such a baby, only six years old. And we prepare to grieve for that loss, our loss; not his. If God takes him, then that little boy is going to be in a far better place then any of us can ever imagine. He is going to Heaven!
However, we are praying for a miracle. We have seen God's work already; the little boy has moved his fingers and has survived a successful surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain and reduce the swelling. They are draining blood from his lungs and this of course is what the doctor's are working on.
I am asking for prayer. Pray that our Great and Awesome God be glorified in this situation, that His will be done, that He comfort those that are hurting, and give strength to those that are weary.

Wednesday afternoon I found out that my husband's hours are being cut to 32-35 hours a week. Mine have been cut back to 32 for a couple of weeks now. I thank God that we both still have our jobs, but I believe that God is moving us into a new season.
We have been very comfortable, perhaps too comfortable, with our financial situation. We have wanted for very little and we have spent friviously. We have enjoyed the 'freedom' of being able to financially meet our needs and some of our wants. We were living with a false security that our income would remain as it had been.
It has come to a time where we need to seriously prioritize our budget. We need to eliminate unneccesary 'needs' from our life. I am glad for it, as I know that if I trust Him, God will do great things through this time.
It sounds almost silly to be talking about where God is financially leading us at just a cut of a few hours. I realize that it pales in perspective to those that have been laid off and have no jobs at all. I know that those people will face hardships far greater then what I am being asked to face right now.
However, I realize that this is an area that needs refining in my life. I need to handle the money that I have more responsibly. I have been careless and irresponsible. I need to realize that money is not the answer or the solution to life's problems. I need to stop relying on what it can do for me.
I am certain that God will reveal many more things that He wants me to learn during this season and I am praying that I stay willing to hear and open to learning them.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV)

Thursday's Thought

Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.

- Gene Fowler

Majoring in "Me" with a minor in "False Humility"

Selfishness vs. Servanthood... When the war is waged in our lives, we side with selfishness. We major in "me." We have this me, my, mine attitude in our lives and forget about others. We want someone else to serve us, to give us the massage, the pedicure, or the shoulder rub. We don't want to serve anyone else because we think of servants as weaker than, less than, or below us.

Ed Young http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/edyoung/

This Sunday I will be teaching about the Lord's Supper in Sunday school. The main focus of the lesson for the preschoolers is about how Jesus washes the feet of the disciples. I'll admit, as I prepared to write the lesson, I thought, 'Jesus is clearly preforming a job that is below Him to prove a point'. And then it hit me. The point I thought He was proving, was not the point at all; at least not for me.

Why did the thought even cross my mind that there was a job 'below' Him? Am I saying that Jesus was too good to wash dirty feet, but that scrubbing caked on dust and mud was a job fitting for someone else? Who? Who was I thinking was worthy or unworthy, as the case may be, of having that job?

How I have fallen short! I thought I was doing good at not assuming that there was any job that was 'below' anyone, but obviously that is not the case. My words express one thing, but my heart expresses quite another.

Are there jobs that I believe that I am above doing? Do I have a servant's heart? A heart that is willing to scrub dirt and dust from another's feet?

It's time I take a serious look into the type of servant I have become. I have spent enough time seeking a major in "me" and a minor in "false humility". It is time that I sincerely seek out what type of servant that God is calling me to be.

50 years young is far better then 30 years old!

May you enjoy today more then yesterday, but not nearly as much as you will enjoy tomorrow.

May the days you experience gut wrenching laughter far out number the days you experience heart breaking sorrow.

May you always be reminded of the beautiful person that you are.

May your family and your friends never be far

May you have more then an abundance of blessings come your way.

May you have a wonderful, absolutely fabulous 50th birthday!

Happy Birthday Mom!

I Love You!!

Good Circumstances, Not So Good Choices

Monday's Weigh In
Weight: 190 pounds
This Week: -1.0 pounds
Total Difference: -2.5 pounds
Goal: 60 more pounds!

I gave up last Friday on keeping track of my Weight Watcher points. I know, I am supposed to keep track of everything, but I knew if I saw my points last week I would have been so depressed that it wouldn't have been any good for anyone. I don't need to beat myself up because I chose to hang out and have dinner with my cousins and I don't need to see that celebrating my mom's birthday yesterday sent my points over the edge. I know that it did, but I don't need to see it.

I don't want to be in a place where I can not celebrate birthdays or where I can not hang out with family and friends for fear that I'll gain a pound or two. I want to be free to make not-so-good choices in good circumstances.

That's not to say that I'm giving up on WW. No, I am back on track this morning...logging in my Fig Newtons and raisins and the salad I am having for lunch. I will do my best to make healthy choices this week and exercise more consistently. I am moving forward, facing forward...not moving forward while walking backwards.

But somehow, despite my food splurging, I did lose a pound! I think that that is absolutely fantastic...especially considering that 'my friend' is visiting. I am most definitely retaining water, I can see it in my hands. I need to get better at drinking my 100oz of water during the weekend. I do really good during the week and then somehow I 'forget' to drink anything on the weekends.

Someone explain to me how drinking more water helps you to not retain water. That to me is one of life's great mysteries.

No Body, No Problem

I had a revelation this week and I thought I'd share.

Every time I go to get my hair cut I tell the stylist the same thing...'I want my hair to have body!' And every time I go they cut it in some way that gives it a little bit of oomph and if I'm really lucky and the cut is good, I can recreate the oomph for at least a week or so after the cut. Then, no matter what I do or how much time I spend on it, I can't recreate the hairstyle. My hair just out and out refuses to 'oomph'! My hair is thin and my hair is baby fine. That is what God gave me.

My revalation this week; by constantly trying to add body to my hair, to make it something that it is not, I am trying to gain some sense of control where I have none.

I hate those revalations; that I am trying to be god in my life and not let God be in my life.

So, my hair has no body...no problem! God knew what He was doing. I don't know why I had to have thin AND fine, but I thank God that all of the hairs on my head are numbered (Matthew 10:30). How awesome that He cares about me that much.

Now that's a pretty cool revelation!

The Big 3-0!

Today is Chuckie's 30th birthday!

HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu!

HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu!

HaPpY bIrThDaY, i LoVe YoU!!!

HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu!

Tonight we are going to go out to dinner. I wanted to go to Chili's, but Chuckie is much more simple then that, so we will be going to Village Inn. That's okay with me, it's his birthday and if it makes him happy, then okay!

Taking Time

This is my motivation for getting off of my duff and doing something! I had all the grand plans and good intentions of getting up early this morning and working out, but did I? Nope...slept in! Maybe I should plan to exercise at a different time. But when? I don't think that exercising at 10pm and then crawling into bed is such a good idea...and there is no way I can exercise when I get home (at least not at home). I have got to find a way to make this work.
21 days...21 days to create a habit! So I've got to find some consistency for the next 21 days.
I am setting a goal to work out (at least) Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Hopefully I can at least make 3 days a priority and work up from there. Eventually I'd like to do something six days per week, but I'm taking it slow. Otherwise I'll give myself a great excuse for not continuing.

Monday's Weigh In

Weight: 191 pounds

This Week: -1.5 pounds

Total Difference: -1.5 pounds

Goal: 60 more pounds!

I lost weight and I know that that is what is important, but I am so disappointed. Of course, last week was crazy with eating out and I only execised twice, so I can't expect much more then what I got.
I do need to stop stepping on the scale except Mondays. Watching my weight flux all week is enough to drive me crazy. One day I was at 189...then back up to 191. Then I beat myself up wondering what I did for it to go back up, what did I eat, etc...
So, the scale is going under the bathroom sink and I'll bring it out Monday mornings to weigh myself. Hopefully that'll eliminate some of my own self critique. (hopefully).

Random Ramblings and Other Oddities

It's Friday. I'd say finally, but I don't think it has been a particularly long week, just a busy week. And busy weeks always go by so quickly. Of course it's the first truly busy week I have had this year. I planned it that way. I needed sometime to do absolutely positively nothing more then what I wanted to do so that I could recharge and have the energy to do the things that I absolutely positively must do. I think I am sufficiently recharged...for now.

Still have things I need to tackle. Especially the mountain of papers in my room. (I've decided to just claim the 2nd bedroom as mine since it is all my things in there anyway. And it is much easier to say my room then to say the craft/storage/office) Anyway, I still need to tackle them. I need to find a system that works. I need my favorite non-cluttered, non-attachment people to come over and spend an afternoon with me to help me do some serious decluttering. Somebody tell me that it is okay to let things go. My gosh, I have hoarder disorder! I am getting better though, not that you could tell it by seeing my room, but I have boxes of things to get rid of. Next step, putting them in my car and getting rid of them.

I think we are going to have one more yard sale here soon and then whatever doesn't sell, I'm sending to the Goodwill. I am actually thinking of skipping the yard sale and taking things straight to the Goodwill, but some stuff is stored at Mom's in her storage shed waiting on another yard sale. Need to make plans to do that. Maybe in March. Is March a good yard sale month? I 'spose as long as it doesn't rain, it'll be fine. Rain kind of puts a damper on things (pun intended).

I am teetering between tackling the mountain of paper to clear off the table, writing up next week's lesson or gathering supplies for the next unit to send out to be copied/prepped. Not sure how I want to spend my Saturday. Maybe I'll just surprise myself. Of course what that means is I'll decided to do something that totally isn't on that list and then none of it will get done. I need more structure; dare I say it...more scheduling, more discipline! I am discovering that my lack of discipline is actually stifling my creativity. AUGH!

Since this Sunday we will be learning about the Good Samaritan, I'd thought I'd leave you all with this:

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the road side, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, saying "I think I'd throw up."

Enjoy an awesome weekend!

Thursday's Thought

We've probably all read this at one time or another. Good ole Erma, she definitely knew what she was talking about. Let's listen to the voice of wisdom and live life while we have it. Because God only knows when we will be here no longer.
Have an absolutely, positively terrific day!

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
By: Erma Bombeck

• I would have talked less and listened more.
• I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
• I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
• I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
• I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
• I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
• I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
• I would have cried and laughed less while watching TV - and more while watching life.
• I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
• I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
• I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
• Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
• When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
• There would have been more "I love yous"...more "I'm sorrys"...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.

Countdown to a Healthier Me

10 foods I have to learn to eat in moderation

• Reese's peanut butter cups
• French fries
• Vanilla soft serve ice cream
• Sirloin steak
• White or yellow cake with vanilla frosting
• Cookies
• Spaghetti
• Bread
• Pizza
• Chocolate Frosty's

9 foods I want to add to my diet

• 1% milk
• Melons
• Fish, other then just tuna
• Spices!
• Spinach
• Berries, other then just strawberries
• Whole wheat bread
• Whole wheat pasta
• Brown Rice

8 reasons I have for wanting to lose weight

• I want to weigh less then my husband
• I want to be able to walk long distances without my thighs chafing
• I want to be able to stand for a long period of time without my ankles bruising
• I want to be able to wear 'cute' clothes
• I want to be able to get up and down off the floor without my knees hurting
• I want to be able to share clothes with my sister
• I want to try to avoid having diabetes, high cholesterol and other weight related illnesses
• I want to have more energy

7 excuses I have used in the past for not losing weight

• I have PCOS
• No one in my family is small
• It's too expensive to eat healthy
• I don't have the time to exercise
• Why bother? No one cares what I look like anyway
• I'm not that heavy
• It's impossible, I just can't do it!

6 motivational quotes to keep me going

• 'A man's doubts and fears are his worst enemies.' -William Wrigley Jr
• 'Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You're the only one who can do it permanently.' -Zig Ziglar
• 'Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.' -Walter Elliot
• 'Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.' -H.L. Hungt
• 'We never repent of having eaten too little.' -Thomas Jefferson
• 'Never, never, never quit!' -Winston Churchill

5 exercise goals I have for 2007

• I want to be able to complete the Susan Komen breast cancer walk in October
• I want to be able to walk at least 4 miles a day, 5 days a week
• I want to strengthen my core muscles
• I want to start weight training for tone and definition
• I want to learn to belly dance

4 things I want to be able to wear

• mini skirts
• calf high boots
• fitted tops
• lacy bras

3 lifestyle changes I need to make to be successful

• eat out less
• plan my meals
• make exercise a priority

2 reasons I overeat

• boredom
• being tired

1 person I am doing this for

• ME!!!

And in this corner...

wearing the plus size clothes and weighing in at 192.5 pounds....Melissa the Determined!

Determined to lose weight!

Determined to be healthier!

Determined to eat better!

Determined to be more active!

Determined to be happier with me!

Determined to stop making excuses!

Determined to start taking action!

Determined to hold myself accountable!

Determined to make better choices!

Determined to set goals!

Determined to meet goals!

Determined to stop being lazy!

Determined to be...

Melissa the Determined!

I joined Weight Watchers on-line today. I am determined to do something about my weight. I have lost 30 pounds since last March. (Honestly, I had lost even more, but I backslid and gained some of it back) I know I can I do it. I just have to stop being lazy. I have to stop being complacent. I have to start caring about me; about the way I look, the way I feel, about what I've become and about what I want to become!

So of course, each week you'll all get to read about my progress...or lack thereof, if the case may be. I am expecting, yes EXPECTING, you all to lbe in my corner. Leave me comments of encouragement, pick me up, don't let me throw in the towel, don't let me give up on this fight!

If you're going to be a Loser, you can't be a Quitter!

Movies for Monday

Monday's are for good for movies and music...as I'm not sure that most of them are good for much else.

From http://jen-homeawayfromhome.blogspot.com/

My 13 Favorite Movies of all time: (in no particular order)

1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. The Notebook
3. Breakfast Club
4. Armeggedon
5. The Story of Us
6. Miracle on 34th Street (the original black & white version)
7. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
8. Must Love Dogs
9. Shall We Dance?
10. Down to You
11. Top Gun
12. Family Stone
13. For Love of the Game

Of course there is more...I am a sucker for Guy Gets The Girl-Girl Gets The Guy type of movies. Sappy, romantic, make you cry movies, underdog movies, especially sports movies like Remember The Titans and Varsity Blues, general feel good movies and movies that make you laugh so hard that you almost pee your pants becasue they are so real that you can relate!

What are your favorite movies?

Music for Monday

Do you want to know what the top 50 songs were from the year that I graduated? C'mon, you know you do...I'm sure the question has just been keeping you up at nights. Alright, maybe not, but still, here are the top 50 songs from 1993. Enjoy!

1. What Is Love - Haddaway
2. Come Baby Come - K7
3. Hero - Mariah Carey
4. In The Still Of The Night (I'll Remember) - Boyz II Men
5. Have I Told You Lately - Rod Stewart
6. Can't Help Falling In Love - UB40
7. Dreamlover - Mariah Carey
8. Supermodel (You Better Work) - RuPaul
9. Nuthin' But A "G" Thang - Dr. Dre
10. Cryin' - Aerosmith
11. Murder She Wrote - Chaka Demus and Pliers
12. Shoop - Salt N Pepa
13. A Whole New World - Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle
14. Show Me Love - Robin S
15. I'm So Into You - SWV
16. Hip Hop Hooray - Naughty By Nature
17. Rhythm Is A Dancer - Snap!
18. All that She Wants - Ace Of Base
19. When I Fall In Love - Celine Dion & Clive Griffin
20. Hey Mr. D.J. - Zhane
21. Just Kickin' It - Xscape
22. That's The Way Love Goes - Janet Jackson
23. T-R-O-U-B-L-E - Travis Tritt
24. Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams
25. No Ordinary Love - Sade
26. I Get Around - 2 Pac
27. Weak - SWV
28. Bad Boys - Inner Circle
29. Whoot, There It Is - 95 South
30. More and More - Captain Hollywood Project
31. I'm Gonna Be (500 miles) - the Proclaimers
32. I'm Every Woman - Whitney Houston
33. Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
34. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do that) - Meatloaf
35. Love U More - Sunscreem
36. Knockin Da Boots - H-Town
37. Will You Be There - Michael Jackson
38. Connected - Stereo MCs
39. Passionate Kisses - Mary Chapin-Carpenter
40. Boom! Shake The Room - Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince
41. Baby I'm Yours - Shai
42. Freak Me - Silk
43. Reason To Believe - Rod Stewart & Ronnie Wood
44. Sweat (A La La La La Song) - Inner Circle
45. Deeper and Deeper - Madonna
46. Another Sad Love Song - Toni Braxton
47. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love - Taylor Dayne
48. Ooh Child - Dino
49. Whoomp! There It Is - Tag Team
50. Two Princes - Spin Doctors

Apparently 1993 was a 'love song' kind of year

Thursday's Thought

A man walking through the forest saw a fox that had lost its legs and wondered how it survived. Then he saw a tiger come in with game in its mouth. The tiger had his fill and left the rest of the meat for the fox. The next day God fed the fox by means of the same tiger.
The man began to wonder at God's great goodness and said to himself, "I too shall just rest in a corner with full trust in the Lord and he will provide me with all I need." He did this for many days, but nothing happened and the poor fellow was almost at death's door when he heard a Voice say, "O you who are in the path of error, open your eyes to the Truth! Follow the example of the tiger and stop imitating the disabled fox.

Are you following the example of the tiger or

are you imitating the disabled fox?

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

What beautiful weather! When I came to work this morning the skies were a little overcast and there was a nip in the air, which should be the case in January (in my opinion anyway). It was absolutely gorgeous.

I went to the post office at lunch today; had to return some shoes that I bought myself for Christmas that were too tight. (By the way, if you haven't already, definitely check out www.joesnewbalanceoutlet.com. I had bought these cute shoes for under $20!)
Anyway, I was driving back to work when all of a sudden I drove into a winter storm. Almost out of nowhere the skies opened up and dumped a winter's worth of rain. Ok, maybe it wasn't an entire winter's worth, but it was coming down heavy...that's odd for us, even in the winter.

Of course I love it...with the exception of the people who do not know how to drive in the rain. You either get behind the person who slows their car down to a death defying crawl and inches their way ever-so-slowly down the road as if they are afraid by going to fast they'll make a puddle splash and get their car wet or you get in front of, beside and in back of the person who believes that there is no reason that you still can't go 15 miles above the posted speed limit and it just makes total and complete sense to drive as fast as you can and hydroplane across the puddles therefore getting you to your destination all that much quicker! What is it with people? Slow down a little, drive like a sane person and all would be well. Right?

But I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the weather!!! I think it is absolutely, positively the best thing next to snow there is. I'd rather have snow...but I will settle for a wet, cold, soggy winter! I am strange that way. And I'm strange in other ways, but most definitely in this way. :)

I hope you are all enjoying your winter weather as much as I am.

Follow the Leader

I love teaching the preschool class at church. Those kids are great! Today we talked about the Lord's Prayer. We talked about how we can talk to God anywhere, anytime and about anything! The kids made a prayer tower, with each of them adding a block for what they wanted to pray for. And we played Musical Prayers, which is musical chairs, but we didn't remove any chairs. I just picked a chair color and had those children thank God for something that was that color. They seemed to really enjoy it. They pretty much all participated, which for 16 preschoolers is awesome! I had a good time with them today.

The message was good today too. Our college director Pastor Miller preached. Boy, that man has passion. I can only imagine how awesome he must be with the college students. The sermon today was about being a true disciple. 'Am I a student of Jesus?' He talked about what it meant to be a disciple; about how it isn't just a learning experience but a true life experience. We shouldn't strive to only learn about Jesus, but to be like Jesus. We should be good students, active in our learning. Jesus should be our everyday, our everything, not just our quiet time and Sunday mornings. He should be our lives. He also challenged us to not only think about whether we were good students of Christ, but also if we were teaching what we have learned? Who are we taking along on the journey? Who are we sharing with? Mentoring? Guiding? It's not enough just to know Him, we need to strive to be like Him and it's not enough just to follow Him if we are not leading someone else!

Who am I leading? Am I leading a life worthy of following? Can others see Christ in me? Do they know who I follow?

When we follow the leader and the line is long, we can not see the leader, we just imitate the person in front of us. For those that do not have a personal and passionate relationship with Christ; they are still in the game and they are somewhere in the line. They can't see the Leader, but they can and are watching you.

Are you following the Leader?

Where oh where has my creativity gone?

Oh where oh where could it be?

Alright, you know you read that in song! That was my intention, you know.

But on a more serious note...I have spent the day racking my brain trying to think of something cute, somewhat practical, somewhat funcational, inexpensive and easy to make for the kids in my preschool class at church for Valentine's Day. I have even went on line for ideas, but nothing is just jumping out at me as the greatest thing ever! Why can't I think of something?

I have lost all of the creative juices in my brain...I think there's a hole in my head! It's the only logical explanation...really, it is.

Okay, maybe it's because I am already thinking of too many things and my brain only has so many open pathways alloted for creativity or thinking for that matter and i am plum exhausting them all. Yeah, that sounds about right...need to stop thinking so that I can think creatively. Mm Hm, now only if I knew how that was done.

Anyone have any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

See, my brain is fried...it doesn't feel fried. i still feel functional, but apparently i am fooling myself. Apparently, i have no sane thoughts left in my head. I am wiped!

Oh where oh where has my creativity gone?
Oh where oh where could it be?
My brain is working in overdrive
but lacks all originality!

Just Two Things

Two Names You Go By
1. Melissa
2. Aunt T

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Clothes
2. Pedometer

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
1. Honesty
2. Humility

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. Hang out with friends
2. Be creative

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. To file my taxes (and be done with it)
2. To take a nap

Two pets you had/have:
1. Chones, our cat
2. Forrest, the frog

Two people who will fill this out:
1. Juli
2. Amanda...but only because you already have ;)

Two things you did last night:
1. Home group
2. Cut coupons

Two things you ate today:
1. Peanut butter and bread
2. Donut

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Bethany
2. Chuckie

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. going to work
2. washing laundry

Two longest car rides:
1. AK to AZ...with my father, when he was mad at me
2. AZ to AK...with 4 adults and a car seat in a Grand Am

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages:
1. Water
2. Vanilla Milkshakes

Friday Randomness

What a slacker I have been. I was so excited about starting another blog and yet I let it fall by the wayside...I never think to drop in and jot something down. A hundred excuses and none of them all that good.

Tonight is the BaseCamp Assembly. (It's an annual event put on for the volunteers that work in the nursery-preschool department at church) I am praying that all goes well. This morning I had to give it over to God. I don't know why I hold onto things like I have any control over them. You would think by now that I would realize that I am not in control. But no, I fuss and stress and worry and then realize that there is no need to do any of that if I will just step aside and let God do His work. Too often I want to lead and let God follow. I struggle daily with remembering that I am simply a tool that God may choose to complete His work. I need to be willing to do what He asks, when He asks, where He asks, without questions and without complaint. I truly do not know why it is so hard for me to remember that. Why is that?

I am excited about the Assembly. I have been praying that God will work on the heart of the person or people that He has planned to step up and work on the curriculum. I am not excited about having to speak in public...I have never done that well...but I am praying that it'll be God's words, that he'll speak through me and that once again I will simply be a tool to accomplish God's work. I know that through God all things are possible, including me speaking in front of a group of 50 people.

On a totally different note, everyone is going away for the weekend, but me. Okay, well maybe not EVERYONE, but Mom and Dad and Bethany and her family, Katie, three or four lead teachers...

Mom and Dad are going away on their annual trip for Mom's birthday. They normally go closer to her birthday in February, but I think they are making this a joint birthday trip (Dad's birthday being in December) and possibly even an anniversary trip (they celebrated that in December too). I get to watch their dog. I don't mind doing it, but it truly makes me have to rearrange my schedule. It reminds me why I like my cat. Cat's don't need you to come home and let them out. And my parent's dog, well he's an attention junkie. You just can't stop by, let him out, fill up the food and water and go. No, you have to stay awhile and give him some attention, even then he doesn't want you to actually leave. So, my weekend will be scheduled around spending time with Buddy.

Of course, what else do I have to do? Bethany is going out of town with her family to celebrate Peter's birthday. She is who I'd normally hang out with on the weekends.

I do have to work on Saturday, so that willl take up a good chunk of my day. It's the only downside to being sick with no sick time to use. I just can't afford for my check to be an entire day short, and while i do have that money in the savings...I can't bring myself to pull it out. I am trying so hard to build up an emergency fund. A real emergency fund. So, if they have work and I have to give up a Saturday to prevent dipping into the reserves, well that's what has to be done.

On a positive note...Sunday is ready to go. All things prepped and sorted. Oh, almost ready, just remembered I needed to create some labels. But that is it, everything else is ready to go.

I may try to spend some time this weekend working on the next couple of lessons. I also need to devote a couple of hours to house cleaning.

New Year's resolution....declutter! For me that's it...that's an entire year's resolution. I have spent two weekends trying to put my all-purpose room in order, in a workable order. One would think that two days would be enough...it is not.

I have to sort, dejunk & organize my scrapbook supplies, my craft supplies, my Sunday School craft supplies, my office supplies, my personal filing, my Sunday School papers and other misc items that have made their way into that room. I tell you, it is going to take me all year...

I told Chuckie we should move. Moving is always a good incentive to go through things and for some reason there is more time to sort and pack when you know you are moving. Of course, I was joking with him. I can't find anyplace to move that is affordable and that will give us more storage space. I will pay up to $100 more per month for another bedroom or a yard with a storage shed, but not for another bathroom. Two baths are nice, but not all that necessary for two people. I have quite the wish list for a new place (hence why we haven't moved).

• Three bedrooms or two bedrooms with additional storage on-site
• Ground floor unit
• Parking spaces or somewhere to park in view of the door or windows
• Washer & Dryer Hook-up inside or just outside...I do not want to have to walk around the building to get clothes out of the dryer at midnight, and I do not want my washer and dryer protected by a measly lock behind worthless doors.
• Pet friendly...I'm not dumping Chones in the desert because the grass is greener at another place
• Not in walking distance to the schools, playgrounds, parks or daycare
• Not in a complex with a pool, tot lot or sport court
• Not more then $100 more then what we're paying now and that's only if water & trash are included.

See why we stay where we're at? it's the price that gets us every time...I just can't pay over a $1000 month for rent. Not until our vehicles are paid off or we win the lottery. And even then, it just seems insane.

Okay, I have rambled enough for one Friday.

Have an awesome weekend!

To start us off...

I 'borrowed' these questions from here (http://jen-homeawayfromhome.blogspot.com/) just to get the ball rolling.

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? It's over
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs? I honestly can not remember, but I guarantee it was last year some time.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am? sleeping...even though I was supposed to be to work at 8pm...oops!
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? searching for these questions
5. Are you good at math? Most, I can add, subtract, multiply, divide and find the hypotenuse of a triangle
6. Your formal night? Last time I did anything remotely formal was my little sister's wedding...and that was four and a half years ago...and not at night.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not that I know of and probably not for anything good.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? Yes
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? don't 'get' myspace, getting too practical I 'spose.
10. Last thing received in the mail? Catalogs and junk mail
11. How many different beverages have you drank today? one, water
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Only if the answering machine picks up.
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Bryan Adams (I think)
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Haven't been to the beach since I was 15 and don't recall doing it then.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? root canal
16. What is out your back door? Absolutely nada...don't have a back door to the apartment.
17. Any plans for Friday night? clean house and work on Sunday School lesson
18. Do you like the ocean? I like it just fine, as long as it stays where it is
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn? not personally, but we get them at work every year
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? no
21. Something you are excited about? planning a trip with my husband
22. What is your favorite flavor of jelly? Grape
23. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? no
24. Describe your keychain. It's round and silver
25.Where do you keep your change? Pennies and 'holiday money' are in a glass jar that looks like a tuxedo jacket, nickels and dimes are in a small paint can and quarters are in a different paint can.
26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? depends on the definition of large...30 children, last Sunday.
27. What kind of winter coat do you have? A Buffalo Bills jacket, although I hardly ever have the chance to wear it. Most of the time i just wear a sweat jacket
28. What was the weather like on your graduation? no clue...hot I'm guessing. It was late May in Arizona.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? open just a bit so that the cat can come in and out
30. What are your siblings middle names? she doesn't have one
31. Where is your dad right now? Most likely at home, asleep in front of the TV
32. What was the last thing you said? I have enough to keep me busy until then
33. What is something you've learned about yourself recently? That it isn't grace that keeps me from saying what I think; it's fear.
34. What color is your watch? don't wear one, don't own one
35. What do you think of when you think of Australia? kangaroos, Sydney and Five Mile Creek movies
36. When was the last time you squatted to pee? September; we were camping
37. Who is the last person you liked? not sure what this question is truly asking. Liked as what?
38. Are you close to your mom? more now then I was as a teenager
39. Where does your best friend work? at home, she's a SAHM
40. What is your least attractive feature? my knees
41. How old were you when you started wearing a bra? 6th or 7th grade
42. What color are your pants? wearing a plaid skirt
43. Do you have a roommate? my husband and Chones, my cat
44. What color is your bedroom flooring? brown apartment carpeting
45. Do you have a chair in your room? nope, barely have enough room for the queen size bed
46. What time of day were you born? 12:54PM, I think. I know it was 12:50 something...
47. Do you know anyone who is engaged? No.
48. What's your favorite number? 9
49. Do you know anyone named Laurie? laura, yes. laurie, no I don't think so.
50. What color is your mom's hair? dark brown, almost black, with touches of grey
51. Do you have a dog? no, but I'd like two (not a misspelling, I'd like two bassett hounds)
52. Where did you live in 1987? with my parents...in Arizona
53. What happened to you in 1993?I graduated high school and started college
54. Does your first memory involve your dad? No
55. Do you remember singing any songs as kids? yes...we sang all the time
56. When was the last time you went swimming? I have no clue, it's been a while
57. Has your luggage ever gotten lost? No, but I don't travel all that often where I have to trust my luggage to perfect strangers to get it to where I am going
58. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? by email, yesterday. by phone, the day before
59. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? no
60. Do you play an instrument? used to be able to play the clarinet and trumpet, not so sure how well I'd do today
61. Have you ever thought it would be Cool to smash a guitar? no, can't get past the tremendous amount of money being wasted by doing it.
62. Do you like fire? I like to sit around the campfire and I wish I had a fireplace, but I'm not fascinated by it in general.
63. Where is your best friend from? junior high, but she was born in Kansas
64. Are you allergic to anything? citrus and walnuts
65. When was the last time you cried? This afternoon when I was looking at this website (http://nowilaymedowntosleep.org/)
66. What kind of shampoo do you use? Suave and Sun Silk
67. Have you ever been to a spa? for a massage
68. Were you popular in high school? not in school in general, but I was popular in band if that's possible
69. Did you take science all four years of high school? Nope, stopped at chemistry my junior year, had no desire to take physics.
70. Do you like butterflies? yeah, it's cool to think of where they come from
71. What is the last book you read? Ordinary Baby, Extraordinary Gift by Gloria Gaither
72. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more? when I drank soda, I drank Coke! loved Coke!
73. What is one thing you miss about your past? it seemed like I had more time to hang out with friends, relax.
74. Did you ever see the school nurse? yes, I think I spent the majority of my 4th grade year in there becasue I hated my teacher
75. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? yes. So now i teach the preschoolers at church.
76. What is one thing you've learned about your life recently? That it is what it is and that's okay. 77. Are you jealous of anyone? sometimes
78. Is anyone jealous of you? not that they've told me
79. When was the last time you were in an elevator? just before Christmas at the mall

okay, that's it.